Judas Priest parking lot party is alot like a movie.

This dude reminds me of Mathew McConaughey
He's 20 and she's 13. How fucking romantic!!

Do you really have to pee in a girls mouth?

How I Learned to Despise Christians

Here is a great story from the Violent Acres blog.
Author : Anonymous.

How I Learned to Despise Christians

The first thing I thought when I saw him was: I bet he’s a vegetarian.

He had all the telltale signs. Tall and lanky. Overgrown, curly gray hair. Knitted mittens. Plaid hat with ear flaps. Sallow, sallow eyes. And a general air about him that said, ‘I haven’t eaten flesh in years and I’m hungry, goddammit!’

For a brief moment, I considered getting in another line. But every other line had at least 8 people ahead of me and all I wanted was a bunch of bananas. I like bananas, but generally not enough to wait in line for a half an hour for them. So with great trepidation, I got behind the lanky potential vegetarian.

He hefted a large bag of dog food onto the conveyor belt and began a very animated conversation with no one in particular. The teenage cashier smiled and nodded politely as she held her hand out for payment. Instead of completing his transaction, Mr. Crazy Eyes ignored her completely to announce very loudly to everyone within earshot, “Well! I’ll tell ya! The rich just keep getting richer and the poor just keep getting poorer! Isn’t that right?”

The cashier smiled weakly, “I guess so.”

“You know what we should do?” he continued, “We should gather up all the world’s resources…all the oil…all the food…all the shelter…everything…and divide it up equally between everyone! We should! We should really do that!”

The cashier said nothing. She merely re-presented her hand for payment.

Still fired up and obviously needing an outlet, he turned and looked me (of all people) directly in the eyes. Most sane individuals would consider that a mistake.

“Don’t you think that’s what we should do? Divide it up all equally?”

“So you’re a communist.” I remarked dryly.

“I’ll tell you one thing! Jesus was a communist! He was! Jesus and God were both communists! I know you probably don’t believe this, but I read the Bible once—”

(What the fuck? Why wouldn’t I believe that?)

“—And it said that Jesus was a communist. I read it! I read it when I was 32 years old! Jesus wants us ALL to be CHEERFUL GIVERS!”

He was getting more and more worked up, almost shouting, and a line was forming behind us both. All I wanted was my bananas, so I desperately searched my mind for the perfect thing to say to shut him up for good.

“Well, being that I’m an Atheist, what Jesus says really doesn’t apply to me.”

Unfortunately, this ended up being the exact wrong thing to say.

With a shocked inhalation of breath, Mr. Crazy Eyes froze. His gnarled and bony hand covered his gaping mouth. Then, with eyes rolling in all directions at once, he screamed at me.

“DON’T SAY THAT! You can’t say that! You’ll go to HELL if you say that!”

I took a short, quick step backwards because for a second there, it looked like he was going to grab me by my shoulders and shake the shit out of me. Instead, he clenched his fists and screamed at the sky.

“JESUS IS COMING BACK, MAN! HE’S COMING BACK! AND IF YOU SAY THAT, YOU’LL GO STRAIGHT TO HELL!”

I am going to interrupt this story right now because I want to make something perfectly clear. All my life, I have defended Christians. Even though devout Christians are nothing more than America’s little retards, I have stood beside them against my fellow Atheists. I have repeatedly told my brethren, “Hey look, I know they’ve got drool on their chins and snot bubbles on their nostrils, but they’re people, dammit! And as people, they have the right to believe in whatever ridiculous goddamn thing they want free from condescending persecution from you!”

I defend Christians. And this is the thanks I get? THIS IS THE THANKS I GET?

“WORLD BE FREE!” Mr. Crazy Eyes suddenly shrieked, “World Be Free! You probably don’t remember him, but he was a famous basketball star! He was! His real name was World Be Free!”

Have you ever been mid-conversation when you’ve suddenly gotten the sneaking suspicion that you had just been bonked on the head and briefly rendered comatose? Mr. Crazy Eyes had gone from communism to Jesus to professional basketball in 3 minutes flat. Obviously, I had missed a fucking segue or two somewhere.

Mr. Crazy Eyes suddenly singled out the older gentleman standing in line behind me. “You remember, don’t you? You remember World Be Free!”

“Actually,” the gentleman replied, “His real name was Lloyd.” Then, under his breath, “Fucking commie.”

Clearly horrified, Mr. Crazy Eyes paused his tirade. Slowly, I glanced around the grocery store and noticed that everyone within screaming earshot of us had frozen mannequin-like to watch the scene unfold. The cashier was stiffly standing there, hand still upturned, with a perfect ‘O’ of surprised glued to her face.

“LLOYD?” Mr. Crazy Eyes shrieked a final time, “LLOYD!!!!”

Then, with one bony paw, he slapped an entire box of candy bars off of a shelf. Hershey’s bars went flying. Apparently satisfied, Mr. Crazy Eyes turned and stomped out of the store without paying for his dog food.

For a single, endless second, no one said a word.

Then, the older gentleman behind me muttered again, “Fucking Commie.”

Ass & Titties

Don't Hurt Women!

Fuckme, the Foolish Cumtwatta.

In the Cumtwatta town of Cumfuckusgalore,
there lived a Cumtwatta named Fuckme Somemore.

She searched in the gricklegrass
all the long day,
for a goo tube to spooge lube
her hershey highway.

She wanted a flesh rod of gringulous height,
with blood knots and crinkcrots and bibulous bite,
But the only crotch snorkel that she saw in sight
was the Dorkball's,
which she thought,
was not the right type.

The Dickwads all lived in Hotshitpopyourcherry,
A place where good Cumtwattas never should tarry,
But who did appear on that scrofulous shore
But the Cumtwatta known as Miss Fuckme Somemore.

The Dickwads all gathered,
the Dickwads all cheered,
a fresh, un-fucked Cumtwatta
at last had appeared!

Whose splendiforous sphincters
to every dick shouted
for wads and more wads
deep inside to be spouted!

With wrinklerods handy and ready to spear,
they bent her twatwatta and pushed 'gainst her rear.

They plumbed her tight buttski
and numbed her brownbank.
They rammed it and crammed it
and jammed stinkystank.

While poor little Fuckme could scarce catch her breath,
the long willie weasels near fucked her to death.

And who did arrive to save her dumb ass?
The Dorkball, of course,
who had loved the bitch lass!

He brought her back home to Cumfuckusgalore,
and wiped the dick gunk
from her southernmost pore.

She asked very sweetly that Dork take her back,
but he said,"FUCK OFF, Fuckme!"
And gave her the sack.

Now she's grungy and spungy and works on a corner
for any degenerate, pushead Jack Horner.

Bending over and over, she opens her squack
for a jigger of whiskey or a bowl of bad crack.

And she wishes to goodness she never did roam
from the Dorkball she married and her happy home.....


-End-


A poem about love by Dr Sauss

A MOUTH'S A MOUTH.

I used to live in this little shithole hovel of a house downtown in the hood. Everyone around was doing meth and stealing shit from each other. There was trash in the alley out back, and it stunk. My landlord, Gary, I like to call him Gay-ree, (you'll soon see why,) was there to collect that months rent.

I was on the porch talkin' with Gay-ree, and somehow the conversation took a wrong turn and went something like this.....


Gay-ree - One night, I was pretty drunk and I passed out on the couch at some guys house that I had met at the bar. I woke up in the middle of the night and looked down, and there he was between my legs, sucking my dick.

Me - What did you do? Punch him in his fucking face?

Gay-ree - Naw, I let him finish.

Me - What the fuck?

Gay-ree - Well, the way I figure it, a mouth's a mouth.

LOVE?

Some things should never be said.
Inside, it must be kept instead.

She cuts herself, but never bleeds.
He dies trying to meet her needs.

They both lose what they never had.
She hates herself, he hates her dad.

At times, she thinks "He kills some other."
She stabs him in the face, once again,
then she goes and fucks his brother.

He grabs her, binds her, and throws her in a box.
He asks her questions, she never talks.

"He fucked me in my ass," she told me twice.
"I cried a lot, he wasn't nice."

She showed them all her infected sores.
He pushed his way through drunken whores.

He peeled off his own skin with an old rusty knife.
He told her that she was the love of his life.

"You would look the most beautiful," he said,
"zipped up in a body bag."

She pops his zits, eats the pus, and hopes she doesn't gag

He jabs a fork into his leg real, real, deep,
then quickly yanks it out.

She lies down and tries to fall asleep,
but all she can do is picture him and think about.....

Butterflies and ball-gags.
Pretty flowers and broken bones.
Bright sunshine and syringes full of blood.

Kitty cats and open sores,
piggy tails with bright pink bows,
the stench of a rotting corpse,
and.....feces.


-END-

I love the way you suck my cock.

This chick emailed me. I'll just call her Sarah. She found me on myspace or some shit like that. I messaged her back and told her my name was Bill. She seemed cool. Finally, I got her number and gave her a call. She said that she had met like 7 other guys the same way, and that she had fucked a couple of 'em. One night stands or some shit. She told me that those guys only wanted one thing, and she gave it to 'em. She also said that is not really what she was looking for. She wanted more than a fuck. She wanted a friend, maybe even a boyfriend.

Yeah...right.

Eventually, I met her down at the local bar. Some fucking shithole that's full of rednecks and old skinny tweeker bitches with only three or four teeth left in their noggins. One of the guys that ran for mayor of our shitty little town hangs out down there.

So anyways, I met this bitch down at the bar. She was really short and a little bit thick, but kinda cute. We talked for a bit and played the stupid little video game machine that sits on the bar. You know, the one that has the stupid erotic strip poker games. Of course, I kicked her ass on every lame game that we played. She also pounded down a few shots of tequila. Real classy for a first date, eh?

I was getting bored of her company, and she could tell. Maybe it was my body language. Maybe it was the way I would breath in real deep and yawn "aaahhh, anywaaaay." Finally, I just said, "I'm leaving, I'm fucking tired."


She got all butt-hurt. Stupid fucking bitch.


She looked at me all sad and beagle eyed, so I says to her "ya wanna go for a drive or somethin'?"

She said that she would like that.

We got in my car, and drove about a block and a half to the local park. I drove into the empty parking lot. It was dark in there. I parked and leaned my seat all the way back. She talked for a couple of minutes. Some dribble that I just can't seem to remember.

I was getting bored again, and I stuck my hand down my pants and adjusted my self. She intensely watched me moving my hand and said "What do you want?"

I just stared at her.

She said "I know you want something. What do you want."

"I want you to put my dick in your mouth." I said under my breath.

Anyyyways, to make a long story short, she sucked my dick and then I took her back to her car, dropped her off, and followed her home, cuz she was a little fuckered up.

She told me that she would do that anytime. "Great" I said.

The next day, I called her, and she met me and sucked me off again, right in the park.
She sucks dick pretty good I might add.

I didn't call, or text her for about a week and a half, and then, today, I decided to text her.

Here is that conversation.


Me- Hi, I haven't talked to you for a bit.
Her- Hey, who is this?
Me- Bill.
Her- Oh, hey my phone won't let me see your pics.
Me- what pics?
Her- Umm, I think ur friend is sending me pics of U. Weird.
Me- What friend?
Her- I dunno, I thought I was talking to you.
Me- U must be thinking of someone else.
Her- Yes, so how are u?
Me- Good, you?
Her- Alright, just being single! LOL
Me- I really like the way you suck my cock.

Now there was about a 5 minute wait before I got a message back

Her- Who is this?
Me- We already went through this.
Her- OK just makin sure.
Me- Just makin sure what? Do you know who this is?
Her- Not Really.
Me- We went to the park in just down the road from the tavern. Remember?
Her- I'm not Sarah, I'm her son.
Me- LOL! Tell Sarah I said HI.

This is a true story. Let's hear what you guy think in the comments section.